Back in January, my dorky, ridiculous self decided to buy (let’s be real though I returned them all) 6 books on Amazon about living life in London. One of them was called “Girl Gone London”. It’s written by an expat from the Midwest who studied abroad in London, fell in love with the city, and now lives in the UK permanently. Which if you’re interested, is also the description of my moms worst nightmare for me LOL.
I skimmed each chapter, which contained tips for jetlag, educational differences, slang, sizes/measurements, holidays—the whole 9 yards. It’s actually really good, and I’d recommend her website except that it’s probably direct competition to my own. But two days before I left home on January 12th, I read the conclusion, which starts with the following: “The thing about studying abroad is that you will never feel at home again. It will always feel like you have half your heart in two different places, two homes that you miss simultaneously and constantly.”
I remember laughing at this. First, because I thought it was stupid. My home is buffalo grove, it always has been. I had good friends in Champaign, but even then, Illinois is home. And secondly, I laughed because it scared me. It terrified me to think that I could get on a plane back home in June and spend the rest of my life never being satisfied. Never feeling complete.
To be honest, I totally forgot about that quote. I was too busy living my life in London to think about how it would feel once I was back on my side of the pond. But my friends and I do letters of abandonment, as I’ve already said in the last entry, and my friend Ellen wrote in hers that no matter where I am in America, a part of my heart will forever and always be in London. As I write this, thousands of 10963 meters high in the sky, I realize how correct she is, and how right that author was.
In some ways, I was right. It is hilarious to think that my life can change this much in five months (there goes sharon the drama queen again). It’s terrifying to think that Chicago will never fully complete me, and neither will London. It’s sad to think that I’ve spent the past months getting close to people who will always be a state or ocean or continent away.
Where I was wrong though, was that it’s also the most liberating feeling in the world. I kept waiting, the first few weeks I was here, for some sort of sign. Something that would tell me— you know what, sharon? London’s the perfect place for you.
But it took some reflecting and soul searching for me to realize that I don’t know if London’s the perfect place, or Chicago, or seattle (where I’m going for work for those who don’t know). I don’t know, because there’s no such thing as a perfect place. There’s only places. And there’s people—who make those places feel like home. The people I met in London made me feel like it was home. But at the same time, there are people in good old buffalo grove, Illinois that make the Midwest feel like home too. And I’m grateful. Because what I once saw as a battle my future self would constantly be fighting, I now see as an opportunity. Everyone gets a home, but who gets two? Or three? Or for that matter, why even set a limit?
So that’s what the author meant that I didn’t understand five months ago, that I doubt anyone really understands before they take a leap of faith and study abroad. It will leave you unsatisfied, but in an amazing way. It will leave you curious about the world we live in, ambitious to start making an impact on it, and more confident than you’ve ever been. That’s what London did for me. It didn’t show me that it was home, it showed me that I had the potential inside me to make anywhere my home with the right people by my side. It proved to me that there’s no reason to set expectations for the way things should be when we can just let our experiences pave the way to new expectations. When we can just live, and let life prove us wrong.
That’s a really cringey, philosophical way for me to say that living in London for the past five months has restored my self confidence. 10 year old me never would have thought that 20 year old me could figure out check-in at the airport, let alone pack her bags, move to a new country knowing no one (well obviously except for Elizabeth haha), and do all the things I’ve done. And speaking of what I’ve done, here is an extension of the stupid bucket list I came here with, to prove that bucket lists are overrated and I am capable of much more. Without further ado, a list of what I am proud of doing/random things I wouldn’t have expected this semester:
-showing at least 10 people around london and becoming a certified travel guide
-mastering the Bomberg kitchen (well somewhat, the moldy crockpot still stands and Ellen’s bowl is still missing but it’s the thought that counts)
-Holding my own despite getting trampled at the platinum jubilee
-climbing the many steps at the St Paul cathedral and the Santa Maria Cathedral
-learning basic words in French, Italian, and German (very, very basic)
-becoming a lemon muffin critic
-accepting defeat on the point of my british accent
-learning A LOT of british slang
-being able to on the spot convert temperatures from Fahrenheit to Celsius
-Waking up for the ~26 fire alarms this semester
-playing boom cup on a shitty table with shitty ping pong balls and no red solo cups
-Driving around Mykonos, Greece (I mean Katie drove but still) blasting Taylor Swift
-Jumping in the water at night in Ibiza
-Taking a pill in Ibiza (I’m kidding about this one lmao)
-Trying an authentic lemoncello spritz in a lemon garden
-Jumping in a ball pit bar (and losing my macaroon earring rip)
-making a Harry potter cocktail
-painting a successful cupcake jewelery holder
-CLIMBING TO SEE THE HIGHLAND COWS (amazing content)
-trying wines from all over the world
-visiting the two most prestigious universities in the UK (Oxford AND Cambridge)
-waving hello to the Mona Lisa
-paying a ludicrous sum of money for laduree macaroons
-singing along in the same club that the Beatles played at in Liverpool
-seeing downton abbey a new era in cinemas on the day it premiered
-seeing a show at the royal albert hall with my family
-had a raclette party
-took a boat to Greenwich
-went on a Jack the Ripper tour
-visited the Bath spa
-did afternoon tea twice
-hosted a taco and Asian night potluck
-shopped at Spitafields, camden, Borough, metropolitan, Broadway, and portabello markets
-tried fun drinks at the alchemist
-stared at the wall of “I love yous” in Paris
-did a london escape room (and successfully made it out!)
-went on a spirafields graffiti tour
-hosted a fake gender reveal party
-jammed to music at the theatre cafe
-Danced at Mamma Mia The Party!
-visited dover, Edinburgh, and Windsor castles
-watched changing of the guards (a lot lol)
-explored Pompeii
-Ibiza boat party!
-watched a creepy Easter procession in sorrento
-“adopted” a cat #wemissyoumika
-swam in a hot spring
-visited the REAL downton abbey
-gotten my hair done!
-bought “mind the gap” socks
-started fuckoffee Fridays
-watched a production at shakespeares globe
-did a bottomless brunch
-saw my first outside musical theatre show
-lived with a british family
-saw a one republic concert
-Taylor swift tribute at southwark memorial
-went to a secret bar
Oh, and here’s a list of my “favorites” and “skips” because I wanted you guys to have that too:
Favorite tube: Northern? I like bakerloo too, but people do not claim this opinion
Favorite place: Trafalgar Square
Favorite View: Tower Bridge/Shard
Favorite time of day: night
Favorite restaurant: the Avocado Show
Favorite kind of transportation: walk
Favorite drink: Old Mout cider, strawberries and pomegranate flavour
Favorite store: Primark or Boots or Lidl (hard one)
Favorite snack: Starmix
Favorite UK city: London (but if not london the Edinburgh or Bath)
Favorite Trip: Florence
Favorite bar: Heaven
Favorite cafe: Fuckoffee
Favorite park: Regents park
Favorite Market: Camden
Skips/Least Favs:
-london eye (overrated, overpriced)
-beer (yeah I know, unpopular opinion)
-the circle/district line (I can’t explain it but I just don’t love it)
-xoyo (be careful, they’ll frisk you)
-glasgow (just maybe don’t spend 3 days here lol)
-and honestly, that’s it….literally so much is worth it and cool (though mamma mia should definitely make it a litttttttle more affordable).
Before I decided to come here, a tarot card reader (I’m sorry to the five people who just inevitably yelled at me about tarot readers lol) said that London would light a fire in me. And without a single doubt in my mind, it has done exactly that. I am leaving not just no longer “lost in london” but “found in london” because I feel like this has not only been the best experience of my life, but the most impactful. I’m a different person now than I was and all it took was a british accent or two, an Oyster card, and some selfies with Benny to get there.
Ultimately, London didn’t make London feel like home. I did. But london challenged me to enjoy spending time alone, to stop setting limits for myself, and to say yes more often, which is something I think all of us could learn a little bit from. Whatever you want to do that’s just a tiny bit out of your comfort zone, stretch a little bit further and grab it. Whatever obstacle you think has you suffocating, slow down and breathe and you’ll get through it. Whatever random opportunity presents itself, whether it’s moving to seattle, starting a blog, traveling the world, graduating college at 20…(you get the point)…maybe it’s worth taking a chance on it, because whether it ends up being a hit or a bust, the worst thing it can turn into is a funny story or a bad memory. None of us know where we’re going, but studying abroad helped me realize that sometimes you have to keep walking and have faith the road in front of you will get a little bit clearer as you go along.
We’ve discussed the past and present of studying abroad in my life, but we haven’t yet touched on the future, because I’ve been saving that for the end. Having a blog has made me realize that not only do I love writing, I love sharing stories with people. Especially stories about my mistakes, because everyone loves someone whose willing to make fun of themselves a little bit, right?
That’s what got me thinking that I should turn this blog into the real deal. So I hereby present to you all, my new *website*………..”: https://sharonzavlin.wixsite.com/sincerelysharon
If you’ve looked at the title of this website, you’ll notice it’s no longer “lost in london”, but rather that that’s just a tab. I will continue using the blog in the future, sharing stories from my adventures in Seattle, corporate America, and everything else along the way.
I plan to use this platform as a way of connecting with younger 20 somethings (or honestly anyone, who am I kidding?) who feel “lost in…..[insert whatever the struggle of the day is]. As a 20 year old going into corporate America, moving across the country while knowing no one, and navigating all of this before she can’t even legally walk into a bar, I think this blog will be a hilarious account of all the ways I fail and grow. Hopefully it’ll make the people who read it feel a little less alone and a little more encouraged to share their silly stories too. Because like I said before, we’re all just focusing on one thing at a time, and do any of us really know what’s next?
If there’s anything studying abroad has instilled in me, it’s to expect the unexpected. So you should do that too. And study abroad. Definitely study abroad. If you do it in London, ship me home a lemon muffin, because from one home to another, I’m probably already craving one.
Xxxx and a whole lotta love,
Sharon
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